PsychologyTherapy
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly performing? Like you have to act out a carefully rehearsed script just to get through the school day, a social event, or even a trip to the store?
If you have autism or ADHD, you might be familiar with a concept called masking. It’s one of the most exhausting things a neurodivergent person does, and it can be a huge source of anxiety and burnout.
What is Masking?
Masking, or camouflaging, is when you consciously or subconsciously hide your natural autistic or ADHD traits to appear neurotypical (non-autistic/non-ADHD). It’s a survival strategy. You learn that certain behaviours lead to teasing, exclusion, or trouble, so you develop ways to cover them up.
For Autistic Teens and Kids, Masking Might Look Like:
Forcing eye contact, even though it feels uncomfortable or painful.
Rehearsing conversations in your head before saying them out loud.
Suppressing stims (like rocking, flapping, or fidgeting) in public, holding the energy in until you get home.
Copying the body language or tone of peers, like a social chameleon.
For ADHD Teens and Kids, Masking Might Look Like:
Sitting perfectly still in class until you’re mentally exploding with restless energy.
Over-planning or over-committing to routines to prove you aren’t forgetful or disorganized.
Forcing yourself to listen to conversations you find boring, only to realize you missed the last three minutes of information.
The Problem: The Great Exhaustion
While masking might help you fit in temporarily, it comes at a massive cost: neurodivergent burnout.
Imagine holding a heavy, invisible backpack all day, every day. That’s the mental effort of masking. When you get home, you crash, and you might experience meltdowns, shutdowns, or deep, chronic fatigue. This effort drains your energy so much that you have less left for homework, hobbies, and family time.
Masking also disconnects you from your authentic self. When you spend all your time pretending to be someone else, it becomes difficult to know what you truly like, think, or need.
The Journey to Unmasking
Unmasking is the process of safely peeling back those layers and letting your real self breathe. It’s not about suddenly changing everything; it’s about making small, intentional choices to prioritize your comfort and well-being over other people’s expectations.
1. Identify Your Masks and Triggers: Start by noticing what you do when you feel stressed socially. Do you force a smile? Do you stop fidgeting? Writing down these moments is a powerful first step toward change.
2. Find Your Safe Spaces and People: Unmasking is scary, so start where you feel safest. This might be your bedroom, a trusted therapist’s office, or with one close friend. When you are with a trusted “safe person,” allow yourself one small act of unmasking: let yourself stim, or speak about your special interest without censoring yourself.
3. Prioritise Your Needs: Give yourself permission to choose comfort over conformity. Wear the clothes that feel soft, even if they aren’t trendy. Bring your fidget toy to class. Leave a social gathering early when you hit your limit, instead of pushing through until a meltdown. This is self-advocacy.
How Support Services Can Help You Unmask
The journey to self-acceptance is often easier with guidance from people who understand neurodiversity.
Counselling and Psychology Assessments: Our Counselling services provide a non-judgmental space to unpack the feelings of shame or anxiety that often come with years of masking. A psychologist can help you understand the why behind your behaviours and build the confidence to be yourself. Furthermore, a Psychology Assessment can provide an official understanding of your neurotype, which for many, is the crucial step that validates their struggles and empowers them to stop masking.
Behaviour Support and ABA Programs: Our Behaviour Support services, which include tailored ABA Programs, can teach you essential skills in a way that aligns with your brain. This can involve finding functional replacement behaviours for destructive stims, developing healthy communication scripts based on your special interests, and building environmental supports to reduce sensory overload—all of which decrease the need to mask.
Your authentic, unmasked self is your best self. It is the version of you that is innovative, intensely passionate, and deeply capable. It’s time to take off the heavy backpack and let the real you shine.
