Friendship Quests: Navigating Social Awkwardness and Finding Your Crew
For many kids and teens, especially those who are autistic or have ADHD, the world of friendship and social interaction can feel less like a fun hang-out and more like a complicated, high-stakes quest with rules that constantly change.
If you’ve ever felt like you missed a social memo, struggled with small talk, or just couldn’t figure out what your peers were hinting at, you are not alone. These challenges don’t mean you’re bad at socializing; it just means your brain’s communication operating system is wired for clarity and logic, while the social world often relies on confusing subtlety and unspoken rules.
The good news? Social skills are just that—skills. They can be learned, practiced, and mastered, especially when you approach them with the logical, detail-oriented brain of a neurodivergent person.
Decoding the Social Maze
Social rules are often unwritten, which is frustrating for the autistic brain that thrives on clear guidelines, and difficult for the ADHD brain that struggles with slow processing and impulsivity. Here’s how you can start decoding the maze:
- Stop Guessing, Start Asking: Neurotypical people often hint at things. Instead of obsessing over what they might mean, practice asking for direct clarification.
- Instead of: “Did they sound mad because I talked too long?”
- Try: “I notice your tone changed when I was talking about my interest. Can you tell me if I should stop, or if you just needed a moment?” Asking for clarity is a sign of intelligence and confidence, not awkwardness.
- Understand “Quality Over Quantity”: You don’t need 100 friends! In fact, neurodivergent people often thrive with one or two deeply loyal friends who accept them completely. Focus your energy on finding people who share your intense interests. A friendship built on a shared passion is much stronger than one built on forcing small talk.
- The Art of “Info-Dumping”: Neurodivergent brains love to share detailed information, which others call “info-dumping.” This is a natural, healthy desire to share your joy. However, in conversation, it needs a balance.
- The Check-in Rule: Pause mid-dump and say: “I could talk about this all day, but I want to make sure I’m not monopolizing the conversation. Is there anything you want to share, or should I keep going?” This shows awareness and respect for the other person.
- Managing Impulsivity in Group Settings (ADHD): If you have ADHD, waiting your turn to talk can feel painful. You blurt things out because your brain moves faster than your self-control.
- The Hand Cue: If you are with trusted friends, tell them, “Sometimes I get too excited and interrupt. Can you give me a subtle hand signal when I do this, so I can try to pause?” This shifts the responsibility from internal control to external support.
Getting Expert Support for Your Quest
Socializing is a complex skill, and sometimes, you need a specialized guide for your quest. That’s where professional support comes in, tailored to your neurotype.
ABA Program and Behaviour Support: Our structured ABA Programs and Behaviour Support services are excellent resources for building foundational social and communication skills. We don’t try to make you “normal”; we help you develop functional, practical skills like:
Reading facial expressions and body language in a safe, controlled setting.
Learning conversation initiation and maintenance skills.
Practicing flexible thinking during group activities or games.
All programs focus on your strengths and are highly personalized.
Counselling and Psychology Assessments: Counselling is vital for the emotional side of friendships. If you’ve experienced bullying, rejection, or struggle with social anxiety, a counsellor can help you process those feelings and build resilience and self-worth. If you need clarity on why you struggle with specific social skills, a Psychology Assessment can provide a full profile of your communication and cognitive style, which guides the most effective Behaviour Support plan.
You deserve friendships that are meaningful, loyal, and accepting. By understanding your unique social brain and arming yourself with strategies, you can successfully navigate the social world and find your own amazing crew.
